in my head.

well, i have had a rough few days with how i have been feeling about what i am doing here. i am constantly feeling like i'm not doing enough or not doing GOOD enough. this is where the support is really needed. two days ago i felt like i ate a ton of food yet going back through it, it was just that i had had a huge variety of food, none of which filled me up nor was bad, it just seemed like it. yesterday i also felt like i did horrible, again, going back through it, it really wasn't that bad. i went on a zoo trip with zsolt yesterday and had to pack us lunches- peanut butter and jelly. i feel like it threw me over my sugar amounts but like i said, i counted and was withing. i think it's the feeling that i am doing bad and will continue to make bad choices. today i skipped having leftover (pork chops, squash/zucchini, and mac and cheese) for a turkey and cheese wrap with a salad. csaba threw in a pudding cup because it has zero sugar and is low carb. not sure how i feel about it but, man have i been craving chocolate and sweets this week. something else that is getting harder is only drinking thin liquids. i am used to drinking milk, chocolate milk or orange juice. now i drink water, sobe, iced tea and...more water. i think maybe i need to find something a little fizzy that has no sugar, or the good sugar like truvia. that might help. i had some of the sweetened almond milk the other day, i had previously been drinking unsweetened and after a large gulp of it i gagged and almost spit it out. csaba got to witness the whole encounter. i don't think i'll be drinking that straight up again. i guess deep down i feel like i'm not doing good enough. the past two days i hadn't felt that 'skinny' feeling like i did last week. you know what i'm talking about, that loose jeans tiny waist feeling? i think maybe its back today. maybe it's all just in my head.